A miracle from heaven

Good friends are angels without wings Divine friends are angels;with or without wings.
If I were to describe my friends in terms of colour,I’d say she is Yellow:She’s the sunshine in my life,her joy yand enthusiasm is unmatched. She’s also Orange: warm,lovely and welcoming and finally Red: extremely bold and sassy.

I remember last year I was going through a crisis and I was depressed.Depression is very real I’m not saying it to describe how I felt,but how I was I lost weight,felt sickly,was in this ‘hole‘ of some sorta darkness,I felt empty.

What was the problem you’d ask? I felt unsure of myself I felt insecure of myself seemingly because everyone else had it all ‘ intact‘ .Everyone just seemed to be focused and fine except moi(me)

Dont compare yourself!!! Haaaaa!! It’s never that easy.Pray then. This I did,most often in liquid form.Tears.(Psalms 56:8“You have stored my tears in a bottle and counted each one of them”

Let’s just agree that God’s ways are higher than ours.During this difficult time,God brought a miracle along the way.It was difficult as I tried to do everything,I tried doing new things just to ease the uncomfort,but I got frustrated the more.To add salt, I lived alone.Solitude.My thoughts were my companions.I had everyone but I had no one.All that stared at me was my wardrobe,bed,table,books and curtains.They didnt seem to talk(lol)

I will never forget this because afterwards I heard God whisper ‘She is the miracle I brought to you during that time’.I remember I moved in into her place,she fed me,comforted me,was always kind,she saw me cry,she saw me moody,she read with me,she prayed for me and with me,she organized the perfect birthday for me.What did I need? Nothing.I needed that.God’s love through her got me out of the depression.

This is just a tip of the iceberg.There are so many things ,actions that are engraved in my heart of hearts,that are special,talk about the patience and forbearance you have had for me.The forgiveness and willingness to continue being my friend,I don’t take any of that for granted.

So,Mercy Nzisa Mutuku Preepy,I love you very much.You are one of the greatest people I’ve ever met and I know the people who truly know you know how incredible you are.I always thank God for you and I always will.

May God bless you.To many more decades of friendship and me calling you ‘kamum’and you sending me awesome PDFs and links!!!! Love ya!!! 🙂

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Acne or no Acne, I am beautiful!!

Recently, I read Kambua Manundu’s story on her struggle with Acne and how she overcame it. It was really beautiful and humbling that she would share that because sometimes we never know the hidden struggles people go through. Thanks Kambua for sharing that! 🙂

Well,I related 100%.I have had acne so I would read every word of her story and go like ‘Oh my goodness!Me too!Yeees!I know how that feels!I know you’re probably wondering what Acne is.Acne is a skin condition  that occurs when the hair follicles become clogged with dead skin cells and oil from the skin,caused by overproduction of sebum, or ‘oil’by the sebaceous glands.It is often characterized by blackheads, whiteheads, greasy skin. It is quite severe in some cases.(You can google for more info).It’s what is commonly known as ‘adolescent pimples‘.

For me,I always enjoyed smooth acne free skin until class six when suddenly pimples started appearing on my face. At first I wasn’t that scared because I knew they’d go away,but later on I started getting worried because they didn’t seem to leave.Plus talk about the self prescribed doctors who’d scare me more by telling me all manner of things;avoid fries and oily foods to chocolate;I even remember applying lemon everyday on my face,goodness!it was horrible.

Slowly it started getting to me.I remember I started avoiding people especially boys.I was always so self-conscious especially when talking to boys from my class.Mind you I was very very outgoing and confident.I loved attention.Now I started avoiding any form of attention.Then the acne spread to my arms,chest and back. I felt hopeless. I remember using countless soaps, to drugs,I even got vitamin C supplements,but nothing changed.

Fast forward to highschool, this time my self esteem had really dropped.I never thought I was beautiful. I became this shy,quiet,insecure girl,which was never truly who I was.I never went out for school functions because I never believed I was beautiful enough.I could never out do the other prettier girls.(haha lies from the devil!)Coupled with other stresses my grades went down and I felt really hopeless. I went to see one dermatologist, who is really good,one of the best in Kenya actually, Doctor Maimba,at Doctor’s Plaza Kenyatta National Hospital,Private wing,who really helped me.(You can google him for more information) I actually started improving, but I had to stop because I couldn’t afford the treatment and at the same time I was in form 3 and fees was quite expensive. But the treatment actually worked because I remember after a week my friends from school actually started seeing the drastic change (There’s hope guys! 🙂 )

Fast forward again to campus(don’t get tired of the fast forwards lol 🙂 ) the same problem persisted.Those with acne know how weary it can make you because you’re constantly on the hunt for anything that can work,and not only work but work faster! My net history was full of acne remedies,home made acne recipes and such. I talked about it to my close friends, my mum has heard it all haha!All the while she’d tell me “No.It actually isn‘t that serious. You really shouldn‘t worry much about it“But somehow it still wasn’t enough

Besides that,the acne was on and off.There were times my face was actually not all that pimply,other times I felt like not going out till forever. Emotionally it really drained me.Roots can be deep.I remember after I stopped the treatment, I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror.Even in campus.I’d hate even a glance at myself. I avoided anything that made me look at myself. I was ever insecure. The negative comments from people added salt to injury. I’d meet random people in town who’d ask “Nini mbaya na uso yako?”(what’s wrong with your face?)Sometimes I’d talk to someone and I’d see them really stare at my face in awe or wonder. I’d get free advice on skincare from anyone, random people I met anywhere.

But,I can’t really remember an actual turning point,but I remember telling my best friend who was really shocked because she hadn’t even noticed!Talk about love!haha!Thankyou best friend 🙂 .She later told me to pour out everything to God,the frustrations, pain everything which I did and I believe God did something. He healed me.

My confidence slowly increased, I could now look at myself in the mirror,I could even wear lipstick. I thank God for this,but I know some of you may think I’ve been on confidence level 1000 after that day.Well no.I’m not saying this to demean what God did.No.God actually did heal me I believe that completely

But,I wrote this post because sometimes we actually want things to be done how we want them to,but what if God has a different plan?Once in church we learnt about healing and the first step towards healing was ‘to abandon all forms of quick healing’This got me thinking about one word PROCESS. There are so many lessons we fail to learn simply because we don’t want to go through the process.We just want immediate results and quick solutions.

Well,the acne hasn’t gone away.I still have marks on my arms,chest.There are days Im really confident, others I avoid wearing clothes that show my arms or chest area.Sometimes I look for creams or ointments that may cover the blackheads, other times I don’t really care.I do take care of my face, I do home facials,I wash my face twice,I take lots of water, but not to do away with the acne,like before, I was very persistent and determined, but because I wanna take care of my body which is God’s temple.There are days I don’t do these things, but it seems like slowly by slowly I’m not bothered by it.God has made me understand that I am beautiful, with acne or not.I tell myself that every time after dressing up and every time the lies and insecure thoughts come up

Well,you may be battling acne or just something else that eats your confidence. There is hope.All hope is not lost. You can see a dermatologist but even if you are not able to,know that you’re value and worth is determined by God. He made you and in Genesis 1:31 He says that He looked at everything he had made and it was very good!!! So you are very good, spectacular, splendid,incredibly made regardless of what people or society say.God bless you

Graced

Bonjour!

Well,I’d like to think of myself as a sweet natured,kind,caring and loving person; thoughtful. Well,I am.I’m not blowing my own trumpet 🙂 but ideally this is what people say about me. Thankyou all.

This is a gift from God. Well most of the times I try to be someone else, less caring, less sensitive but to no avail 🙂 I’ve always admired tough people, but I’m coming to terms with accepting that God made me this way for a reason and a purpose, the chief one being for His glory

Well,most times I’m busy thinking of others, Molly needs new shoes, Amanda loves surprises, It’s Theodore’s birthday next week and he’d love a motorcycle, Christa loves sweet encouraging texts.I don’t do all these to gain attention. The motive behind is always genuine concern and love for the person

However it can get frustrating

Recently as I was doing chores, the HolySpirit put this in my heart “BTW,Jos you don’t involve God in those plans.And I was like ” yeaaaaah”that’s why I get so tired sometimes and frustrated because I really carry people’s burdens in my heart.

Most of these ideas weren’t “graced” what do I mean? God didn’t supply the strength needed,resources et al because simply He wasn’t there in them.God is omnipresent but not in everything.

Actually most times, we get tired because we haven’t sought God’s will. With grace comes everything we need to do what God wants us to do.Yes, everything. God’s grace is sufficient meaning enough, not lacking, just enough.

Since I’ve learnt this,I ask the HolySpirit for anything, going to the market to buy some nice tops I saw,even buying movies,what to do and He has been very faithful. So believer ask God.My best friend who I thank God for told me this 

Seek God’s will in every thing, both small and big.
Have a graceful day and week ahead

I don’t want to be rich or famous

Just recently I discovered that I wanted to be rich and famous for all the wrong reasons.I mean,who doesn’t love the attention, the pomp and the glam associated with fame?It’s a good feeling to be among the high and the mighty,I myself would love that!!!But the big question is,what is it anchored on?

That brings me to success.Most people have associated success with being rich and famous.I’ve noticed an overwhelming craze to appear on television and media stations, especially by the young generation. It’s a bit unfortunate that one would do anything just to be seen or heard.But why is that?Does it mean that if I never appear on TV or on billboards

” then I am not striving enough?” Or that I am least successful?

Pardon me,I love ambitious people, people who strive to get to the top;in the right ways of course. I love resilient people who have defied odds just to be on top of the game. I love goals,infact I’m a planner,I plan for literally everything hehe.Moreover,I’d like to appear on billboards and TV stations.It’s a good feeling.

That leads me to ask,what is success?well,I’m not here to answer that because everyone has their own definition. To some its the cars,houses, to others it’s health and family, good education etc. None is more correct than the other.In all this,ask yourself what the real driving force behind you striving to achieve success.

Do you want to please others,those around you,your peers?

Is it to mask fears such as the fear of failure?

Is it always as it seems?Will it truly make you happy?

Will it cost you a fortune; will you have to compromise your beliefs, your family, friends?

What do you really want?

Whatever reasons there are,there are consequences that come with each.Sometimes its not always about the fruits, its about the roots.Ponder on that.

God bless y’all

Have a successful day

Avec amour (with love)

Jos Nduati

Beauty for Ashes

Tous les mondes!!!!Bonjour!!!!!Bonjour!!!!(heavy applauding, cheers, trumpets)

Heeey Everybody!!!Câva??Oui,çâva.Hehehe (pardon me non French lovers)

 Finally, after 16 centuries and a few civilizations we are back!We’ll I’m the one who’s back technically because I’m the blogger lol,I can’t believe its been that long,anyway, I had missed you guys and ladies 🙂 🙂 Feels great to be back after a long while
First things first, of course

I  had missed you guys a lot, but I went through a dry period where I didnt have anything to write.Yes.I said it ooh!(Awkward silence at this point) 🙂 🙂 so I decided I won’t force myself to write just anything

I took a break and honestly I wasn’t doing any research,writing skills to better myself, noo. I just took a chill pill,trusted in God.I wasn’t really sure what His plans were ,what he had in store,but I just decided I’ll trust Him any who,And I thank God because I’m so hopeful and I feel something cooking up in the belly of my spirit :):) and I know it’s gonna be good!(For we walk by faith and not by sight,2nd Corinthians.


Secondly,
It’s March. The month where we celebrate International Women’s Day,I hope we do so the whole month,women are worth celebrating every single day :)Men, I’m not downgrading you in any way,we are aware of the many roles you play :):)and  tunawaapreciate :):)

I’m hopeful for many things this month and throughout the year,more blogs,stories,encouragements,insight,but I know God is faithful. I trust Him.

  Aside from that,today’s entrée (you’ll have to bear with the French, I love French) I wrote a short piece about girls,who’ve gotten pregnant out of wedlock,those who’ve had to drop out of school, put their careers on hold and those who’ve endured the guilt and pain of being ostracized by family, friends and loved ones.

You’re not alone. I pray these words encourage you and lift you.You’re worth much more than that mistake,that pain.God loves you and you’re still his project and masterpiece.

You’ve endured hurt,pain
You wear lipstick at times, but you wear  the regret more

Together with shame

On other days you let yourself go

You simply don’t care at all

You have dreams,ambitions, hopes

But they lay somewhere beneath the layers of guilt

Sometimes you feel even God has abandoned you

People did talk.Talk is cheap

But certainly their words still linger

Arousing the pain from the yet healed sores

On other days you can barely take it,

The ‘burden’ is too much to bear

Well I have good news,

The fact is you did make a mistake

But the truth is you are not defined by that mistake, neither are you owned by it,

There is hope in Jesus Christ

You don’t have to try anymore

Just let him hold you,embrace you,dust you,care for you and love you once again

Let him take the ashes, and watch them turn into beauty

  • Blessings

A priceless gem

I remember the first time I met her,I was taken aback by her beauty. Goodness!She is beautiful. Fate then made us meet again and this time I remember I had quite a bad cold, the one that makes you acquire an accent automatically; clogged nose,watery eyes,sneeze kind of cold

She noticed and without hesitation prescribed me ‘the scarf therapy’honestly I can’t remember but it involved a scarf and some warm salty water,the important thing was,my throat would stop being so sore

Fast forward to us being on the praise and worship team in school together, we’d sit at the sopranos bench(soprano bench had the coolest peeps btw)and really chat and share jokes, problems, prayer points among others

One thing was so different with her.Every time I’d spend time with her I’d feel an overwhelming peace. My heart would really connect and I’d find myself telling her deep things that were troubling me and she’d always do one thing,PRAY.

Did I mention that she was different?Her love for Jesus is so infectious.I remember she’d tell me to talk to Him freely like a friend.And her living her words was just powerful. Her life bore amazing results.

Fast forward again to second year,I remember this time we lived very close to each other,I was so happy. We had a lot of close moments together.One particular one that I’ll never forget is,I was going through a difficult period (it’s a long story) and I was so distressed. I was to lead a concert we had organized,I was the curtain raiser.Apart from the anxiety, I was just so distressed. I remember I went up to her room,told her,she held my hands and prayed for me.She prayed past midnight. I don’t know the last time someone gave up their sleep just for you.She then told me to sleep at her place.

This is just but the many things you’ve done for me.Most times as human beings we are too quick to forget and too quick to judge and condemn the very people who love us.

I love everything about you.From how emotional you are and yet how strong you are.Your chapatis with onions are just the best hehe.(le chapati with sautéed les oignons)You’re very persistent and very purehearted.You’ve rubbed off on me. You’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. Talk about our Friday nights.Tyler Perry should pay us girl.the weekend sleep overs.Sunday mornings, looking all glam as we head to church. Does the term bedsitter ring a bell?hehe.Such moments are priceless.

Ivy Koome I celebrate you.I’m very happy to say that you’re my best friend.If I could write about you I’d come up with the bestseller and we’d be rich, haha,you’d be on the same plane with Morgan Freeman and I with Idris Elba hehe

You’re a really beautiful soul.Our friendship is divine.And on this special day I wish you joy,joy unending and unspeakable. It’ll be one great year for you. You’ll see.I’m looking forward to many more awesome moments with you.You’re a genuine (pronounce jenuiwain with African American accent) soul

You’re that friend that sticks closer than a brother. I thank God for you and Happy birthday my love.Keep lighting the world. Keep shining. Keep inspiring.I love you!!!

Happy birthday best friend!!!!

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The other side of the bed

Yesternight I slept on the other side of the bed
Next to her
Where my father should have been
Just so that she wouldn’t feel lonely or afraid

Yesterday I showered her with complements
Of how lovely her hair was
And how beautiful she is
As daddy would have done
Just so she knows

Today I woke up earlier than usual
To fix her some yummy heavy breakfast
And help her out with her outfit
And what shoes go along with it

Everyday I notice little things about mummy
And everyday I wear daddy’s big shoes
But just so you know
I don’t mind being daddy
Because that’s something I’ll always love to do

A tribute to all the single mums

A LETTER TO MYSELF

 

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Dear Me,

Its been long since I sat down and wrote you a letter. I hope you are fine. Okay, I know you are not fine. I wanted to say that I am sorry for the many times I have put you down, the many times I have neglected you. I rarely have time for you. I hardly notice you, what you’re going through. I cannot remember the last time I sat down and congratulated you for who you are.

My time has been spent in looking at how inefficient and how unworthy you are. All I have done to you is reduce your value and equate it to other people’s achievements and successes. All I ever do is beat you down and talk about your weaknesses all day long.

I have never noticed how strong you are, how lovely you are. Those big, bright, beautiful eyes you have , that dark, silky, African hair or that lovely smile. I have never noticed how intelligent you are, how diligent and committed you are. I hardly know of your achievements.

I cannot remember the last time I took you out and treated you for some ice-cream or a wonderful pedicure. I cannot remember the last time you slept with contentment and satisfaction in who you are. I cannot remember the last time you appreciated your weaknesses, failures or inadequacies and used them as avenues for growth instead of beating you up. I hardly recall the last time you smiled at yourself, and realized life isn’t a competition; you don’t have to try so hard. You are uniquely unique. For all that and so much more, I am truly sorry.

I cannot take back the time that I spent looking down on you, neither can I take back the words I said to you, but I can fix it TODAY.I promise from now henceforth to look at you, to see you. I will love you, appreciate you. I will not undermine who you are or what you have. I will believe in you and be patient with you. I will treat you with respect and value you. But most of all I will never compare you with anyone else because you are incomparable. You are a masterpiece. Even when I fail, slip or make several mistakes, I will not condemn you. My nights will not be spent in looking at how unaccomplished you are, but how accomplished you are because you are a great person. You are beautiful, amazing and you are simply you. I love you.

With love,

From me,

Josphine Waithera Nduati

Cc: All those who struggle with themselves, who don’t believe in themselves and who undervalue themselves.

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IDENTITY REDEFINED

 

Finally!!I have done it! I am so excited to start my own blog. It has taken great amounts of courage and umph to do it, but I thank God that He has enabled me to do it. The reason I decided to start this blog was to enable people with identity issues particularly self-esteem issues to know that it is possible to overcome these issues with God’s divine enablement. I have had struggled with myself, my identity, who I am, my worth and the sole purpose of my existence. I have attached my identity to the wrong things such as my body image, my education, how intelligent I am, my background among other things. I have had moments where I felt so empty and hopeless, I had moments when I thought of ending my life but I thank God that He allowed me to go through all of that so that I am able to encourage someone else going through the same.
I would like to let you know that whoever you are, wherever you are, you are important and the mere fact of your existence is a miracle. You are not defined by your past mistakes, your abilities, your failures or even your successes, you are defined by God. You are unique and gifted and you are great worth. Allow God to define who you are. On Christ the solid rock I Stand all other ground is sinking sand. Finally allow me to leave you with one of my favourite verses that depicts how valuable you are to God.
1 Peter 1:18-19”For you know it was not with perishable things such as silver and gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, but with the precious lamb of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”